Building a positive connection with your mother-in-law can feel like navigating a minefield. While some people naturally click with their in-laws, others find the dynamic more challenging. But here’s the good news: with the right mindset and approach, you can create a respectful, cooperative, and even warm relationship with your spouse’s mom.

Whether you’re newly married or have been part of the family for years, these six practical strategies can help you build stronger, friendlier ties with your mother-in-law—and make home life a lot smoother.

Involve Your Partner in All Household and Parenting Matters

Let’s face it—many men didn’t grow up handling household chores or parenting duties in detail. So when the baby arrives, their instinct might be to turn to their moms for advice. And that’s where things can get tricky. Your mother-in-law’s suggestions might be well-meaning, but they may not align with how you or your partner want to do things.

The solution? Stay on the same page with your partner from day one. Make sure you both have a shared understanding of household responsibilities, parenting decisions, and family rules. That way, your partner can confidently respond to outside opinions—especially from his mom—without throwing you under the bus.

Working as a team helps avoid unnecessary conflict and sets clear boundaries that everyone, including your mother-in-law, can respect.

Video: How Do I Improve My Relationship With My Mother-In-Law

Create a Weekly Visit or Call Schedule

Does your mother-in-law love popping by unannounced or calling at random hours? It’s a common source of tension. The best way to handle it is through a calm, proactive conversation with your spouse. Together, decide on a visit or call schedule that works for both of you and your family.

For instance, maybe Sunday visits work well, or a couple of midweek video calls are more practical. The key is setting expectations in a respectful and consistent way. Present the idea to your mother-in-law kindly, and let her know how much you appreciate staying connected—on agreed-upon terms.

When boundaries are clearly defined and communicated with love, misunderstandings are far less likely to happen.

Share Your Feelings Early and Honestly

It’s completely natural for your mother-in-law to want to spend more time at your home, especially when there are grandkids involved. But if her visits are starting to feel overwhelming, don’t keep your feelings bottled up.

Rather than letting resentment build, have an open discussion early on. It might even be best if your partner takes the lead. Let your mother-in-law know that while you appreciate her involvement, constant visits aren’t always ideal. And if you’re going through a rough patch—maybe you’re tired, stressed, or just need some space—don’t be afraid to say so.

Honest communication helps prevent future blow-ups and shows that you’re being thoughtful, not dismissive.

Avoid Competing for Her Son’s Attention

A lot of friction between daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law stems from one simple thing: competition. Mothers often feel like no one could ever care for their son the way they do, which can create tension.

It’s important not to take that personally. Instead of engaging in a silent tug-of-war, acknowledge your mother-in-law’s role in your partner’s life. Let her know she’s not being pushed aside. Better yet, encourage your husband to spend quality one-on-one time with his parents. A simple lunch date or weekly call can go a long way in reassuring his mom that her bond with him is still strong.

When your mother-in-law feels secure, she’ll be less likely to challenge your role in the family.

Learn to Say “No”—Without Guilt

You don’t have to say “yes” to every visit or favor just to keep the peace. If your mother-in-law wants to stop by and it’s not a good time, it’s completely okay to say no.

The trick is how you say it. Be polite, explain why it’s not ideal, and offer another time that works better. You might say, “We’re a little overwhelmed this week, but how about coffee next Saturday?” This approach keeps the relationship respectful while protecting your own time and boundaries.

You’re allowed to prioritize your well-being and your immediate family’s needs, and setting these limits can actually strengthen your relationship in the long run.

Let Her Enjoy Being a Grandparent—Within Reason

Grandparents love to spoil their grandkids. Whether it’s extra sweets, too many toys, or bending bedtime rules, it’s part of the gig. As a parent, you have every right to set guidelines, but it’s also helpful to recognize the difference between a serious issue and harmless indulgence.

Instead of getting frustrated over every little treat or surprise, find a healthy balance. Talk to your mother-in-law about what’s okay and what’s not when it comes to your parenting style. Show appreciation for her love and involvement while gently reminding her of your expectations.

Remember, being a grandparent is special—and letting her enjoy that role, within boundaries, helps everyone feel valued and included.

Why Effort Matters in the Long Run

Video: 4 tips for dealing with a difficult mother-in-law

You don’t have to be best friends with your mother-in-law. But putting in the effort to build mutual respect and understanding can create a much more peaceful family dynamic. It also sets a positive example for your children, who are always watching how you handle relationships.

Creating a warm, respectful bond with your mother-in-law isn’t about giving in or being perfect. It’s about communication, boundaries, and compassion. By taking these steps, you’re not just improving one relationship—you’re strengthening your entire family unit.

So whether your mother-in-law is a little overbearing or simply misunderstood, there’s always room to grow. With consistency, kindness, and clarity, you might just be surprised at how well things turn out.

Stay tuned for more helpful advice on navigating family dynamics, and don’t forget to share this article with anyone who could use a little peace at the next family gathering.