Breakups are never easy, but who suffers more—men or women? While society often paints women as the more emotional gender, recent psychological research suggests that men may actually take breakups harder than their female counterparts.
A relationship study conducted by psychologists uncovered surprising findings: men not only experience more emotional distress after a breakup but are also more likely to seek help online to process their heartbreak. The study sheds light on how traditional masculinity stereotypes have influenced how men handle emotions and why breakups might hit them harder than expected.
Let’s dive into the key findings of the study and explore why men may struggle more than women when love falls apart.
Men Are More Likely to Seek Relationship Advice Online
One of the most intriguing findings from the study is that men turn to online forums for relationship advice more often than women do.
Researchers analyzed over 184,000 posts on Reddit’s “r/relationships” forum and found that:
- 55% of users seeking advice were men, while only 45% were women.
- The most common theme in the posts? Heartache.
- Other topics included trust issues, time, intimacy, and personal qualities.
The study suggests that men feel more comfortable expressing emotions anonymously online rather than talking to friends or family about their heartbreak.
Why Do Men Seek Support Online?
For generations, society has pushed the stereotype that “real men don’t cry.” This outdated belief has conditioned men to bottle up their emotions instead of openly discussing their struggles.
However, online anonymity offers them a safe space to express what they might be afraid to say in real life.
One Reddit user perfectly captured this dilemma, saying:
“Guys aren’t supposed to express sadness or be distraught, so we typically keep it to ourselves. None of our friends want to hear about how much it sucks and that we wish we could have done things differently.”
Meanwhile, women are more likely to turn to their support networks, confiding in friends, family, or therapists rather than anonymous online communities.
Men Feel More Emotionally Devastated After a Breakup
Another surprising revelation from the study is that men tend to be more emotional about breakups than women.
When analyzing Reddit discussions, researchers noticed key differences in how men and women process heartbreak:
- Men focused on topics like heartache, dating struggles, and personal self-worth.
- Women’s discussions leaned toward mistreatment, finances, long-distance struggles, and housework disputes.
This suggests that men experience deep emotional pain from breakups, but they might struggle with how to process and express it in a healthy way.
Men Have a More Secure View of Relationships Than Women
The language patterns used by men and women in the study provided another interesting contrast:
- Women used more “I” statements, reflecting self-doubt, insecurity, and negative emotions about the relationship.
- Men used more “we” statements, indicating stronger feelings of connection, optimism, and unity in their relationships.
These patterns suggest that women often feel more uncertain about their relationships, while men tend to feel more confident in them—until the breakup happens.
This confidence may explain why men are often blindsided when a relationship ends, leaving them struggling to cope with the loss.
Men Who Devalue Relationships Were Also Identified
Although many men in the study displayed emotional distress over breakups, the study also identified a subset of men with a “dismissive attachment style.”
Men who fit into this category tend to:
- Detach from emotional connections easily.
- View relationships as less important than personal independence.
- Suppress emotions rather than confront them.
For these men, breakups might not trigger the same intense emotional response, reinforcing the idea that not all men react to heartbreak the same way.
Breaking the Stigma: Men Care More About Relationships Than We Think
The study’s findings challenge the long-held belief that men are less emotional than women when it comes to relationships.
Lead researcher Dr. Ryan Boyd believes the study debunks gender stereotypes, stating:
“When you remove the traditional social stigmas against men for seeking help and sharing their emotions… they seem just as invested in working through rough patches in their relationships as women.”
This research highlights the need for more open discussions about men’s emotional well-being and the importance of breaking down the stigma around men expressing vulnerability.
Why Do Men Struggle More After a Breakup?
There are several psychological and societal reasons why breakups may hit men harder than women:
- Lack of Emotional Support Networks
- Women often turn to friends, family, and therapists for emotional processing.
- Men, however, may not feel comfortable seeking support from their friends due to societal pressures.
- Delayed Emotional Processing
- Women tend to process their emotions immediately after a breakup.
- Men often suppress their pain, only to experience an emotional crash weeks or months later.
- Stronger Sense of Security in Relationships
- The study suggests that men are more confident in their relationships and may not anticipate a breakup.
- Women, on the other hand, express more uncertainty and may emotionally prepare for an ending before it happens.
- Social Conditioning and Gender Roles
- Men are often discouraged from showing vulnerability, making it harder for them to heal from emotional wounds.
- Women are more likely to talk through their emotions, helping them recover faster.
Final Thoughts: Changing the Conversation Around Men and Heartbreak
This study provides a powerful insight into how men experience and process breakups. While women may be more expressive about their pain, men feel just as deeply—if not more—but lack the societal support to express it openly.
By breaking down gender stereotypes and encouraging healthy emotional expression, we can create a culture where men feel safe discussing their heartbreak without judgment.
The truth is, heartache doesn’t discriminate by gender. Whether you’re a man or a woman, breakups hurt. But the more we normalize open conversations about emotions, the healthier and stronger relationships—and individuals—will become.
